The Ironic “Bass” Player

I just read an ad by a band that is looking for a “Bass” player. Not just a bass player but a “Bass” player. I guess the ordinary kind won’t do–this one must come equipped with double quotes. I’m not sure why. Does the band need a bassist who plays with irony? How would I, as a listener, know the difference qualitatively? (“Hey, wow, that is one ironic-sounding bass player! Hear those quote marks?” “Yeah. And check out his use of metaphor.”)

Or perhaps the band wants to clarify that by “Bass” they mean the musical instrument, not the fish, which is fun to catch but useless on a gig. Good luck plugging one into an amplifier. So that could be an important distinction.

Then again, maybe the band does want someone who plays a fish. It would be a first, I’m sure, but these days creative minds are constantly exploring new directions. Probably not many fish players in these parts, but ya never know. I once knew a bassist who looked like a walleye, and he took his pay in live bait. Really knew his scales . . . but I digress. In any case, double quotes don’t help me separate a fish from a fretboard, so either way, I’m at a loss.

Seriously and to the point: quote marks have specific uses, and highlighting a word for no reason other than pure whimsy is not one of them.

Okay, got that out of my system. “Rant” over. (Or should that be, Rant “over”?)

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