Men, do you want to build up your woman? Here is an important way to do so: tell her she is beautiful.
Tell her again.
And again, and again, and again.
Keep on telling her until she begins to believe you. And don’t stop.
Because in our culture, where the standards for womanly beauty are so hard to attain and so unkind, and where the messages to a woman that she is imperfect and undesirable are fired like arrows into her soul from the time she is a little girl, far too many women, even those with a model’s good looks, believe down inside that they are not beautiful.
Tell your woman otherwise. Tell her she is beautiful. Tell her she is beautiful to you—because you’re the one to whom, above all, she wants to be beautiful. So tell her, both by your words and by the way you relate to her, that you think she is beautiful both outwardly and inwardly. Let her know that you see her at her very core and that you love what you see—her intellect, her personality, her sense of humor, her spirit. And while her outer wrapper is just a part of her beauty, it is an important part, so let her know that you find that part of her attractive, because it matters to her. She wants to know that all of her—body, soul, and spirit—is lovely in your eyes.
Set aside the male ideals of breasts and legs and waist and buttocks. Great if your woman has got those things working for her, but every woman has got areas in which her physical appearance shines. Notice them, and call them to her attention. Do you love how her eyes sparkle when she’s excited about something? Let her know. Does her smile light up her face? Say so. Do you love the sound of her laughter? Tell her. You can come up with something. Something to build her up. Something that is true and lovely about her and that makes her feel special to hear it from you.
Convincing a woman of her beauty is not always easy. Some women bear emotional scars that make it hard for them to receive compliments. Persist. You are a man—so be a man. A real man who bears up under her skepticism and patiently persists. Because healing doesn’t happen in a day, or a month, or even a year. It takes time.
It is true that, just like some men, some women are simply not ready for a healthy relationship. Some are too self-centered, manipulative, and even cruel to be good relational material. But if yours has lived enough to have shed some of our culture’s shallow trappings and developed a bit of character and nobility, then the question is, what kind of man will you be to her? What she needs is for you to see a beauty worth fighting for, a heart that longs to be seen and admired, and a person who needs and deserves to be loved.
There is a cost, but the reward is watching your woman’s beauty emerge. When she smiles at you, her smile will speak volumes; it is for you only, and nothing can take the place of it.
Through the fights, through her testings of your sincerity, through the misunderstandings, through your own self-doubts, through the struggles and discouragement, through the months and years, be to her that man who tells her the truth: that she is beautiful. Stay with it. Because she is beautiful—and she is worth it.