To the Latest Round of Email Spammers: Some Helpful Feedback

Dear email spammers:

In the interest of helping you sharpen your targeting to that lance-tipped precision I know you strive for, I offer you the following FREE valuable personal information:

  • Your warning that my automobile warranty is about to expire is a bit late. The warranty on my 2002 Camry expired more than ten years ago, and I’m okay with that.
  • I appreciate your offer of a free estimate on a roofing job; however, I’m not the person you need to talk to. That would be my apartment manager.
  • At 60 years of age, I’m simply not interested in boosting my virility to Herculean stamina and elephantine magnitude. Most guys I know who are half my age probably feel the same way.
  • While the thought of owning a flashlight with more candlepower than an airport beacon is tantalizing, I’ll pass on trying to blind a weaponized attacker with your product, as you suggest, in favor of convincing him the old-fashioned 12-guage way. I guess I’m just hooked on tradition.
  • More helpful to me in the employment arena than your 6-month master’s degree would be nullifying the age-discrimination factor by making me 25 years younger. But I suppose you can’t do that, can you, any more than you can offer a legitimate graduate program.
  • My concern about whether Stephen-Hawking [sic] has committed an “unthinkable act” is so small as to be undetectable by any means known to scientists, with the possible exception of Hawking himself. And he’s about as likely to offer his assistance as I am to give a rip.

And on and on and on. Your spambots may be irritating, but I have to admit, at least they’re also amusing.

Fatally Killed

While going through a sidebar article on Facebook titled “25 Deadliest Animals to Humans” (yes, occasionally I get suckered into these things), I came across this fine bit of information:

Deer have antlers that can fatally kill humans. However, most deer-associated deaths are caused not by these antlers but by accidents on highways. Deer often cross highways and stop right in the middle of roads, causing collisions among vehicles. It is estimated that around 120 people die every year because of deer.

While deer causing collisions “among vehicles” invites some interesting visualization, the first sentence is the one that gets my instant attention. It implies that a person can be nonfatally killed, a fascinating concept. In my experience, nonfatal killings are exceedingly rare. I myself have never witnessed one. Perhaps they are only associated with deer antlers. I picture the following scene:

Godfather: Didja rub out Luca?

Nicko: Yeah, Luca’s dead.

GF: How you do it?

N: Used a deer antler.

GF: A deer antler! You idjit! What if ya killed him nonfatally!

N: I stuck it troo his ribs inta his heart. He sure looked fatally killed to me.

GF: No, no, no! How many times I tell yous guys: you want da job done right, never, ever use a antler. Oh, sure, a deer antler can fatally kill a human. But don’t count on it. Nonfatal killings happen. Now, you take a gun and go back and take care-a Luca proper.

Change

“I’m never changing the way I am for anyone.”

Oh no? Well, then, you’ve just declared that you’ll never grow and that your character and ability to love anyone except yourself will remain forever stunted.

Change for the right reasons is good, wise, challenging, and powerful. The trick is knowing how to make healthy changes—what to sacrifice and what to protect—for the sake of more effectively loving God and the people who are important to us.

Close relationships will change us and should change us. Not all change is good change, that is true. But no change at all is the mark of selfishness and immaturity.